The power of saying “thank you” every day and practicing gratitude in general have been studied ad nauseam. The conclusion? It works. I’ve studied, practiced, and written about
this extensively over the past decade, but it cannot be overstated. Happiness and success are not destinations. For most of us, if asked “what is the number one thing you want out of your life?” The answer would boil down to some version of wanting to be happy and fulfilled. I submit that the best way to “achieve” this is to approach being happy as a skill.
I’ll explain this first by defining the key characteristics of skill development. We’ll use the example of communication, specifically public speaking. If I want to improve my public speaking skills, the steps to do so are very simple. The steps are not going to be easy, which is the case with building any meaningful skill, but they will be straightforward. I need to make the commitment that no matter what obstacles get in my way, I am going to follow through and become a great public speaker. From there, the only other step is to get as many reps in as possible. Any opportunity I get to speak to one person or a large group in public, I’m taking it. I must come to the grips with the reality that some of these practice reps will be uncomfortable, and some of them (if not most of them, at least initially) have the chance of going horribly wrong. I will persist, stay true to my initial commitment, and get back up again when I fall down during these “failures.” It may sound elementary, but I believe that is good a thing. I believe that many of the most valuable lessons in life were taught to us at the age of five. As we grow older, “wiser,” and more cynical, we roll our eyes at these timeless truths and often think we know better. I’ve caught myself in this line of thinking many times, and find that relating my current pursuits to the childhood version of myself is helpful. So instead of reading “when you fall down, get back up again,” and shrugging it off as something you’ve “known” for your whole life, get honest with yourself. Is there a time in the past in which you set a goal for yourself at work or in your personal life, faced negativity or obstacles, and ended up giving up on it? If so, you didn’t really learn this elementary concept—you’ve just turned into a cliche that you think you know. If so, you probably made beautifully-eloquent rationalizations in your mind as to why that goal didn’t really matter to begin with. Now, rationalization for our own weaknesses or laziness—that is a skill that every adult has mastered, myself included.
Years ago, I committed myself to a lifelong learning mentality. I heard a message at a work conference in which the speaker at one point said, “the most dangerous thing you can say to yourself is ‘I already know that.’” This stuck with me, and I’m nowhere near perfect (aka human), but I try my best to bring this attitude into daily life. Even if I do live my life in alignment with what I’m preaching in this blog on a daily basis, that doesn’t exclude me from being susceptible to losing this skill. The moment I say “I got it, I already know this,” and let myself slip up from the habit I created, the skill begins to die. To go a step further, the moment I stop learning ways to improve this skill, the same occurs.
So, as it relates to gratitude, do you want to be happier with your life? I can hear you all collectively saying “duh” as you roll your eyes at me. Well, to that end, are you practicing this daily? The data is out, and simply saying “thank you for this day” (and meaning it) to start and end your day for the next month will make drastic changes in your psychology.
For me, thanking God every morning for a number things sets my day on a different trajectory than if I decide to skip that morning prayer. Or at least it did. All of these skills and habits are perishable, but I can’t remember the last time I didn’t make the time for at least a quick prayer to thank Him for the day. That all comes from practice and a commitment.
As far as I see it, this is the simplest route to a happier life. You can either gag every time you enter a home with a sign that reads “start each day with a grateful heart,” or you can get curious and analyze how you apply the simplest lessons in life.
One of my favorite gratitude “challenges” was created by John Israel, aka “Mr. Thank You.” He wrote five thank you notes for an entire year, and of course, saw incredible results from doing so. Here’s my commitment to you (I hope you will decide on one for yourself): I am going to write one heartfelt thank you per day for 30 days straight. The next phase of the “Live Hard” program that I am committed to is 30 days long, and begins for me this Tuesday, July 16. With that being said, the thank you note commitment will begin that day, too.
As a side note, I’ve created a Gratitude Journal over the past 75 days. It’s not ready to publish just yet, but will be soon. I hope you’ll check it out if this blog is of value to you.
Regardless, though, my plea to you is to pick something for yourself over the next 30 days that will force you into a consistent practice of gratitude. It is, after all, the simplest route to a happier life.
